What is Catholic marriage?
Marriage is one of the Sacraments at the Service of Communion.
In marriage, a man and a woman freely give themselves to one another in a lifelong covenant of love. Their vows are made before God and the Church, and they promise to love each other faithfully for the whole of their lives.
When both bride and groom are baptised Christians, their valid marriage is a sacrament. Christ gives husband and wife the grace to love one another, forgive one another, welcome children generously, and build a home rooted in faith.
A Catholic wedding is therefore much more than a beautiful setting for a ceremony. It is the beginning of a shared vocation.
Thinking about getting married at St John Payne?
If you are hoping to get married at St John Payne, please contact the parish office or speak to Fr Alex as soon as you can.
This first conversation is important. It helps the parish understand your situation, explain what preparation is needed, and check what Church and civil paperwork may be required.
Please do this before making firm arrangements for a wedding date, reception venue, invitations or travel plans.
Marriage preparation takes time. Some situations also need extra paperwork, permission or dispensation before a date can be confirmed.
As a guide, it is wise to speak to the parish at least six months before the date you hope for. More time may be needed if you are getting married abroad, marrying in another diocese, or if either of you has been married before.
Marriage preparation
Marriage preparation is not just paperwork.
It is a chance to think carefully about the promises you will make, the faith of the Church, and the kind of married life you hope to build together.
Preparation may include meetings with the priest, a marriage preparation course, reflection on the vows, and practical discussion about the wedding liturgy.
It may also include conversations about faith, prayer, communication, family life, children, money, forgiveness, and the challenges that every married couple will face.
This is not meant to be intimidating. The Church asks couples to prepare because marriage is serious, beautiful and lifelong.
If one of you is not Catholic
Many couples who ask about marriage include one Catholic and one person who is not Catholic.
Please do not let this stop you from getting in touch.
A Catholic marriage may still be possible, but Fr Alex will need to talk with you about your circumstances. If one of you is a baptised Christian from another Church or ecclesial community, permission may be needed. If one of you is not baptised, a dispensation may be needed.
These conversations are best had early, gently and honestly.
The Catholic partner will also be asked about their faith and their responsibility to do all they can to have any children baptised and brought up in the Catholic Church.
If either of you has been married before
If either of you has been married before, whether in a church, register office or another setting, please mention this at the first conversation.
This does not mean you should feel embarrassed or unwelcome. It simply means the parish needs to understand the situation before any wedding date can be confirmed.
The Catholic Church takes marriage very seriously, so previous marriages may need to be looked at carefully. Fr Alex will guide you on what is needed and whether any further process is required.
Getting married somewhere else
If you live in the parish but hope to marry in another Catholic church, another diocese, or abroad, you should still contact St John Payne as early as possible.
Marriage papers are normally prepared through the parish where the Catholic party lives. They may then need to be sent to the Diocese of Brentwood, another diocese, or the parish where the wedding will take place.
This can take time, especially for weddings outside England and Wales. Please speak to Fr Alex before making firm arrangements.
The wedding liturgy
A Catholic wedding is a public act of worship.
It may take place within Mass, or as a Catholic marriage liturgy without Mass. Both are proper Catholic wedding liturgies.
The right form will usually depend on your circumstances, including whether both of you are Catholic and whether many of your guests will be able to receive Holy Communion.
The priest will help you understand the structure of the service. You will normally be able to choose Scripture readings, prayers and suitable sacred music, within the guidance of the Church.
Whether the wedding takes place within Mass or as a marriage liturgy without Mass, the readings proclaimed in the Liturgy of the Word are taken from the Bible. If you would like to include a favourite poem, literary reading or personal text, it may be better placed at the reception or another part of the wedding day.
Civil requirements
As well as preparing with the Church, couples also need to meet the civil requirements for marriage.
In England and Wales, this normally involves giving notice at a register office and making sure the necessary marriage schedule is in place before the wedding.
The parish will explain what you need to do for the church ceremony, but it is also important to contact the civil register office in good time.
Already married civilly?
Some couples are already married civilly and later ask about having their marriage recognised or celebrated in the Catholic Church.
If this applies to you, please speak to Fr Alex. The right next step will depend on your circumstances, including whether one or both of you are Catholic, whether either of you has been married before, and whether any permissions or paperwork are needed.
You do not need to work this out alone. A first conversation is enough.